I Remember Spannabis

CORNELLÀ is unfamiliar stomping grounds - we are immediately lost upon exiting the train. Fortunately we meet Tony, a husky brute of a fellow who cries out to us from across the street. “Hey! You all here for Spannabis? Flew in special from Las Vegas! Yeah. I stood right up on the plane and I said ‘Any of you fuckers going to Spannabis?!’ Yeah, they all just sat there except for Chen here.” Chen shuffles ahead of us, creating some distance. “Hey, you folks are all right - let’s take a photo! I’m a camera guy, you know. I just love photos.”

WE manage to shake Tony and his boorish repartee when he finagles his way in through the back door. We collect our credentials and roll up our sleeves for what the day may hold. These roller-skating lolitas could be procured for your intents and purposes at €130 per day (8 hours + 1 hour lunch) and made to parrot English for a mere €14 more. Here are two button-cute yet flat-tushed specimens making an important contribution to the fair with their chatter and coquetry.

EXPECTING nothing but smelly hippies, we are struck by the fair’s scientific and respectable allure. These two scientists are discussing the result of a visitor’s THC test. Many of the exhibitors are clearly striving to present themselves as state-of-the-art. Stand after stand displays a wide range of products for cultivation and medication: genetically controlled seeds, hyperpotent fertilizer, cloning gel, books with titles such as Animales que se drogan, hydroponic grow boxes and ergonomic smoking paraphernalia that exploit laws of physics.

THE fair is hosting several information and training seminars on topics such as the risks of cannabis use, the way it acts upon organisms, tips and tricks for growing outdoors and how to set up a cannabis social club. Speakers at the fair include ethnobotanist and writer Jonathan Ott, biochemistry professor Manuel Guzmán and anti-prohibition philosopher Martín Barriuso. Alas, the crowds are noisy, the acoustics non-existent and the loudspeakers shit. We can’t hear a word, even when we move to the front row.

FINALLY, we locate the sole stand dedicated to medical marijuana at the entire fair: Treating Yourself. Here, along with a free dosage of the healing herb, people were informed about all the different medical properties this magical plant has to offer. Among them are amelioration of nausea and vomiting, stimulation of hunger in chemotherapy and AIDS patients and lowered intraocular eye pressure (shown to be effective for treating glaucoma), as well as general analgesic effects (pain relief ). Forget about aspirin!

WE happen upon the vaporizer! At this stand, visitors are allowed to try a healthier way to get their healing high. Instead of inhaling a harsh cloud of smoke into their lungs via joints, pipes, bongs and the like, the vaporizer provides a smooth mist of vapor achieved by heating the marijuana to the exact temperature needed to activate the THC. Additional benefits include saving grass, as the act of burning does waste some of the precious goods.

NOW feeling no pain and having thoroughly scouted the event conducting the painstaking research and in-depth interviews that went into this article, we muster the strength to put in one more lap, collecting the free goodies that remain for the taking: pocket ashtrays, weed grinders, pornographic imagery of sticky, hirsute cogollos suitable for framing and...lighters!