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Psychobilly Beach
That Hair! Those Tats!
by El Staff |
We largely prefer the esoteric
to the obvious, the mutants to
the monotone; so when we heard
that the beach village of Pineda
del Mar would be hosting a Psychobilly festival, we grabbed
our suits and went up the coast.
As it were, we never even stepped
inside the festival gates - we
spent the afternoon schmoozing
and boozing to surf music at the
beach bar and marvelling at
monster tattoos on white skin.
We were surprised to discover
that beneath the character
masks of these punked-out
greasers, there were many redeeming
qualities: heart, generosity,
one-love-mindedness and
no-bullshit communication. We
hereby take it upon ourselves to
delight you with some of the unexpected
thoughts and frank
words of our new friends.
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SCENE 1 “Now that’s what I
thought too, but honey, she’s been
getting her tattoos done by that
tacky Laverne for the past year -
she can’t afford anyone else! No
wonder she doesn’t come to our
dinner clubs anymore, the pitiful
thing.” |
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SCENE 2 Guti sighed contentedly
as he looked upon the ocean, pondering
the nature of things; thinking
about how music put his days
into context; about how he would
prolly start a bar fight that night. |
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SCENE 3 “Dudes, it was a total
wipeout. You try that shit without
lube.” |
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SCENE 4 “I swear to God, if they
kill off one of the Hardy Boys, I’m
switching to that goddamn Paulo
Coehlo.” |
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SCENE 5 “See this fine lady? I got
her in ‘98 to watch over my crown
jewels, and I’ll tell you what, she’s
some kinda woman. Only one I
ever trusted - she ain’t goin’ anywhere,
see.” |
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SCENE 6 “This crown, placed on
the brachial vein leading to your
heart, tells me that the king of pop
is going to go into cardiac arrest,
which will result in his death, and
your tears, my friend.” |
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SCENE 7 The most misunderstood
thing about Roxanne was all the
pink she incorporated into her
look: bitches thought she wouldn’t
fuck them up. Bitches was dead
wrong. |
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SCENE 8 Bernhard was a modern
day Fonzie, and had the panties to
prove it. |
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SCENE 9 “Tonight, I eat your dog
and become immortal.” |
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SCENE 10 “I‘d love to spend all
day at the beach too, but might I remind
you that we have a child who
has cotillion class in the morning.”
“Fine. Anyway, this salt water is not
doing very much for your rattail.”
“You’re a bastard, Harold.” |
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