OVERHEARD by VJ Dattoli

A TURD EXPERT, HUH?

Gothic love...

Goth-style observer 1:So much angst!
Goth-style observer 2: I feel anxious just looking at all that shiny pleather—it must be fucking gooey under there.

Curious Tourist: Hey, look! One of the Segway tour’s stops is the Gothic cathedral. I wonder if we can wheel around inside.
Pod-Elite: I hope so. I’d hate to have to walk.

American Pie 1: I’m so fucking sick of the Gótico.
American Pie 2:I know; me too. I mean, it’d be so much better if they just tore all those buildings down and built new ones.

Woman's perspective...

Hetera: Umm, does this shirt make me look like a lesbian?
Homa:Well, no. Just don’t walk too close to me—I don’t want people to think we’re a couple.
Hetera: So, I do look lesbo.
Homa: No, just not pretty. It’s not the same, you know.

Blonde: My building’s presidenta thinks that someone shit on the roof terrace.
Brunette: Why?
Blonde: Apparently she’s an expert on stool size. The one she found was too big to have come from any other animal’s booty.
Brunette: A turd expert, huh?

With friends like you...

Moria: If you hadn’t been such a slut in Madrid then I’d be in a better mood.
Erin: What? What the hell are you talking about?
Moria: You know exactly what I’m talking about, you psycho bitch.
Erin: Don’t call me a psycho bitch, you slut.
Moria: Me? Slut? What the fuck are you talking about?
Erin: You left me high and dry to go and dry hump with some guy. And me…what about me? God, I’m sick of you.
Moria: You’re just jealous because the only men who talk to you are horrible shit-faced drunk Englishmen who will fuck anything with a pulse.
Erin: You fucking whore bag. What, following in mommy’s foot steps? Gonna be an alcoholic? Gonna fuck all your friends’ dads?

Belligerent: …and then I couldn’t stand it any longer and told her to shut the fuck up.
Calm: What did she do?
Belligerent: Nothing. What was she going to do? She was just standing there like a chihuahua wearing pink lipstick.
Calm: Well I’m sure you’ll work it out. You’ve been friends for too long.
Belligerent: Yeah—don’t think so. I’m making a new personal rule: no more chihuahua-like friends.

As a youngster, VJ aspired to be a spying KGB secret agent, inspired by her love of gossip and hate of privileged secrets. Her nosy ear might just be over shoulder, right now.