OVERHEARD by VJ Dattoli

CATS AND THE KLAN...

Easter onslaught...

Concerned Coffee: I cannot believe what I saw on TV last night.
Half and Half: What? What?
Concerned: Some sort of Ku Klux Klan celebration of Easter.
Rock: Just what we need.
Half: I didn’t even know they were over here.
Concerned: I just couldn’t believe 1) that they’d show it on TV as if it were ok and 2) the sight of the Virgin being carried by all those hooded men…just terrifying.

Urgencias...

Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where I can find a public toilet?
Resident Guiri: Yeah, there are none. You’ll have to go to a bar or restaurant. But make sure you ask first. As long as you ask they’ll most always let you.
Tourist: But I don’t speak Spanish and my husband really has to go. He has a prostate problem, you see.
Resident Guiri: Umm, I don’t know what to tell you. There are no public toilets.
Tourist to husband: Honey, I don’t know what we can do. Maybe you can go in a corner.
Resident Guiri: Be careful if you do, they’ll fine you if they catch you..
Husband: But it’s my prostate! Can’t they understand? It’s the size of a grapefruit!

Horny Gats...

Catalana: Ei, no l’acariciïs tant! Està en zel. Si continues, hauré de xinar-la una mica.
Americana: Xinar-la?!? Què dius?
Catalana: Si, home. Li agrada. [Goes and gets Q-Tips from the bathroom, and...]
Americana [watching]: I tant que li agrada.
Catalana: Em pregunto...[sniffs Q-Tip and passes it to boy sitting next to her]
Catalan: No fa olor de res.
Americana [holding Q-Tip]: La puc portar a casa meva? M’imagino que al meu gat li agradarà força.

Pockets Full of Rainbows...

Concerned Friend 1: Oh my god, have you been exposed to Leslie’s extreme bitchiness lately?
Concerned Friend 2:I think she’s slipped into a compulsory lesbian state or something.
1: ??
2: Yeah, it’s been so long since any guy has even tried to touch her she’s nearly a dyke.
1: I'm not sure if it it works like that
2: Yeah, of course.
1: When I go through a dry phase I just reinvent my virginity.

As a youngster, VJ aspired to be a spying KGB secret agent, inspired by her love of gossip and hate of privileged secrets. Her nosy ear might just be over shoulder, right now.