LA LOCURA DE LOQUO

by Mark Borland and Mia Klein

How many page views would a local free classifieds site get if it were employed for everything from housing to jobs, second hand stuff, and community matters? 30,000 unique visitors per day, maybe? If it’s a portal for a city like Barcelona, maybe you’d guess a few thousand more. But who would have thought that our beloved and behated LoQUo gets 136,000 hits per day? Not all that traffic is generated on the main domain, loquo.com, that hosts all BCN-related queries, but nearly fifty percent are. That’s roughly 1,8 million visitas per month just for Barna, and more than the city’s official website, bcn.es, or lavanguardia.es gets, not to mention segundamano.com or infojobs.net.

The giant virtual billboard with its vast busco-ofrezco habitat connecting hundreds of thousands of Catalans, Spaniards and guiris alike, and priding itself on being Spain’s number one web for anuncios clasificados gratuitos, was the brainchild of Cuban Ubaldo Huerta. It was conceived during his stay in Silicon Valley where he witnessed the unfolding of Craigslist and, on his return to Barcelona in 2002, he first nursed the infant by putting up posters in universities and on popular billboards until it became big enough to perpetuate itself.

Not surprisingly, since you constantly read about who eats whom - Google gobbling up MySpace and YouTube, Yahoo devouring Flickr, and Microsoft eyeing Yahoo – LoQUo is LoQUo only on its visible, html-programmed outside shell. As you can read on the top right corner of the homepage, the platform belongs to the Kijiji network that maintains other portals in Europe and the US. And beyond Kijiji, deep down, at the bottom of its server heart where everyone’s user data is stored, LoQUo is all Ebay, and managed out of Madrid by just a handful of people.

For a company of Ebay’s size, with 2007 fourth-quarter revenues of $2.18 billion, Barna’s favorite is but a small fish, yet one that’s been worth its weight in gold. Since Ebay bought LoQUo from Huerta in 2005, the platform has grown by no less than 500%, with more than 28,000 ads posted daily and 55,000 registered users (as of January 14th, 2008). But the dazzling numbers only confirm what anyone who has posted an ad for a room lately will already know: It’s mushrooming out of control. An ad posted in the morning is pushed to page three by noon and has disappeared into the LoQUo orbit by the evening.

To test how fast and furious this Thing really is, we put up a post for a good-sized room in Borne for 350€, and took it down an hour later because the responses were arriving at two-minute intervals. How many people were doing nothing but watching the housing section of LoQUo on that Tuesday morning? The e-mails that were piling up in our inbox from Italian architects, Brazilian students, Spanish IT immigrants and adventurous US citizens brought home to us vividly that LoQUo’s dominant position, combined with the popularity of Barna’s center and manic-depressive state of the habitación and piso market makes for a devilish combo.

If anything, this initial test balloon made it crystal clear that the two feed off each other: Barcelona makes LoQUo loco and LoQUo nourishes the barcelonine polis. This spinning virtual billboard is as much the product as it is the producer of this transient, ephemeral, further and further individualizing metropolis. Barna makes and is being made by LoQUo in a dialectical relationship of give-and-take, to-and-fro, in an ever more hectic frenzy.

Let the Loquo Oracle Speak!*

* Caution! This is highly unscientifically-gathered data that was obtained by posting ads frantically in different categories, languages, times and days.

Oracle, oracle, how precarious is the housing situation for mileuristas in the city?
And the oracle replied:

If you are looking for a person to rent a room, nights only, from 20:00h to 9:00h for 150€ a month, you will only get one answer from a sweet German Junge who wants to save money to see his girl in Australia. This, my friends, is love, and you find it on LoQUo. If you are looking for a person to pay 300€ for a room in Poble Sec in a flat that’s also inhabited by 20 cats, you will wait and wait and nobody will answer your call. If you think that Berlin is more popular than BCN, and you want to prove it by posting a swap offer that teases with a 30m2, big, bright room in Kreuzberg, you will fail miserably.

Oracle, oracle, how precarious is the situation on the labor market?
And the oracle replied:

If you want people to distribute flyers on Plaça Catalunya for as low as 3.50€/hour, you will find more than ten starving souls who would do that job for you. If you are looking for a vegan to help you produce vegan-friendly porn, you will find no such person. You will also not find anyone pretending to be a dog whisperer, although this was, for personal reasons, very interesting to us. However, there are at least six men out there who would beat up your ex for 500€.

Oracle, oracle, how many Jordis are out there?
And the oracle replied:

It seems there are no Jordis living in Barcelona. If you post an ad in the desencuentro section looking for that sweet, brown-haired, medium build Catalan called Jordi you met on the L1 the other day, only one guy will respond to you, and he will admit he’s actually called Andreu.

Oracle, oracle, how loco is LoQUo?
And the oracle replied:

Before I answer this question, you need to promise that you’ll never ever again post fake ads on LoQUo. Yes, oracle, we do (twinkle, twinkle, emoticon). You should already know we are talking about a virtual space that connects the Catalan with the Ecuadorian, the hungry man with the sad women, the Brazilian without papers with the stingy landlord, the lonely with the lonely. It is a self-governing platform and its principals of self-governance are based on a few simple algorithms: You can’t post the same ad in different categories; if ten users decide that you should be blocked, you will be blocked. Let me give you an example: When you post an ad for a hitman, this ad will disappear within 5 minutes. If you try to give up a kid for adoption, the post will take 33 minutes to disappear. If you’re looking for someone to suck your nose whilst rubbing your left shoulder and pissing in a champagne glass, you’ll find this person there. You and your fellow users decide what’s allowed and what is off limits. You, my friend, are LoQUo and LoQUo is not just a tool, it’s a mighty mediator and engine. It’s a wheel of fortune, and a distorted mirror image of the citizens of BCN. It is the city’s ID, its matrix. Are you happy now?
No, we’re sad. We can only see Ebay behind it all.

HOW LOQUO ARE YOU?

Take our quiz and see how much of a shut-in you are

PART I – ARE YOU LOCO ABOUT LOQUO?

1) How many ads have you ever posted on LoQUo?
a) Less than 5 b) Less than 20 c) More than 20

2) How often do you visit LoQUo?
a) daily b) weekly c) casi nunca d) when I’m bored

3) How many categories can you name that have been recently added to LoQUo (marked with nuevo)?
a) none b) one c) more than one d) It could have been my idea to add the “Solo Amistad” category.

4) Are you one of the 55,000 registered users?
a) Yes b) No

4a) Did you ever start a forum discussion that produced more than 2 responses? a) Yes b) No 4b) Have you ever insulted a fellow user? a) They’re all fuckers and nutcases b) Just once

5) Have you ever found ... on LoQUo?
a) a job b) a flat c) a language exchange partner d) a friend e) sex d) a bici or moto

6) Do you mark ads as inappropriate?
a) No, never. I don’t care. b) Sometimes, if it’s something outrageous. c) This is a self-governing forum. With all the spam, engaños and people posting in the wrong categories all the time, you have to mark ads constantly.

PART II - HOW LOQUO SAVVY ARE YOU?

1) VENDO EL DIARIO DE MI VIDA
Date: Sunday, January 13, 2008 3:15 am

Hola, Vendo el diario de mi vida que me queda, desde el 17-08-1996 hasta el 30 de mayo de 2007. Precio: no tiene. Pero tengo deudas y una niña que mantener hasta que encuentre trabajo y pueda entrar en una guardería. Pido: 25,000.00€

** Is this ad real or fake?
a) Yes, that’s the sort of ads LoQUo is made of. b) No, this is a Hollywood writer on strike who wants to see if he can sell his screenplay in Europe.

2) QUIERO BESAR PIES DE MUJER
Date: Thursday, January 24 2008 10:39

» community » skill swap »
Hola, Mi nombre es Roque y me encantaría besar pies de mujer, sin malos rollos ni nada por el estilo. Soy sano, culto y limpio. A cambio, puedes pedirme lo que quieras. Yo soy Abogado experto en derecho civil y matrimonial. Podría asesorarte y también hacerte alguna gestión que tengas con la Administración. También puedo hacerte la limpieza de casa o hacer chapuzas, que también se me da bien. Incluso te puedo prestar alguna ayuda económica. Si te parece interesante, envíame un mail a roquesantosvalls@yahoo.es

** Who is Roque?
a) a bored pensioner who has discovered LoQUo to entertain himself since the Spanish TV is getting worse and worse b) just a nice guy with a weird fetish c) a clever guy who knows what women really want: to get a divorce, a cleaning lady and some extra cash

3) CLASES DE AJEDREZ POR HABITACION
Date: Tuesday, January 22 2008 15:34

MAESTRO ajedrez con experiencia en iniciar y mejorar nivel, analizando potencial a cambio de habitación en BCN. O CERCANIAS.

** If you saw this ad on LoQUo what would your reaction be?
a) To post an ad in the same category saying “I can do a handstand. Can I move in, too?” b) To email the user with something like “You’re checkmate, maestro.” c) To leave the poor man be.

4) BUSCO CHICA QUE SE HAGA PASAR POR MI NOVIA (BARCELONA)
Date: Sunday, January 20 2008 19:02

» community » skill swap »
Me he metido en un compromiso con unos amigos, les he dicho que habIacute;a conocido a una chica muy guapa y simpática, y bueno, ahora quieren que se la presente. Pensé en dos opciones:
a) Quedar mal
b) Poner un anuncio buscando una novia postiza.
Si alguna candidata se ofrece que me escriba o agregue a jackiebauer@hotmail.es
¡Un beso a todas!

** Is this ad
a)...true because Jackie Bauer put his real email address in the ad? b)...false because Jackie Bauer wouldn’t use a hotmail.es email and most of the Jackies you know are actually girls. c)...Shit, I wish this idea had occurred to me.

5) NOS AYUDAMOS A DEPILAR (BARCELONA)
Date: Friday, January 11 2008 15:28

» community » skill swap »
SOY UN CHICO DE 30 AÑOS Q SE DEPILA. BUSCO A ALGUIEN Q TAMBIEN LO HAGA, PARA QUEDAR DE VEZ EN CUANDO Y AYUDARNOS MUTUAMENTE A HACERLO, DE BUEN ROLLO. UN SALUDO.

** First thoughts...
a) That’s so cheap. b) Is he looking for a man or a woman? c) I’m interested, but I want to know first if it’s your back or your balls you want help with.

6) HE PERDIO LA VIRGINAD DIOS!!!!!!
Date: Monday, January 7 2008 23:21

» community » skill swap »
Joer! no se como recupérala

** Is this ad...
a) spam because it was posted in the skill swap category b) funny because it was posted in the skill swap category

7) NO PUEDO MAS...
Date: Thursday, January 24 2008 20:15

>> Missed connections
ya esta hasta aquí he llegado yo, no encuentro trabajo, mi novia se fue de casa, y para colmo la casa que pensaba comprar ya no me la venden, pues a tomar por el culo todo, esta noche me suicidare y acabare con todo, ya no tengo fuerzas para mas, solo eso y adiós no sabré mas de nadie ni nadie sabrás mas de mi.

** This is...
a) not serious because it was published on LoQUo b) dead serious because it was published on LoQUo

8) DOS AMIGOS 1 FRANCES BUSCAN MADURA CON PERRO GRANDE
Fecha: Martes, 29 de enero de 2008 10:03

Y que le guste hacérselo con él. Es una fantasía que tenemos y hay la posibilidad de que vengas con nosotros a Paris. Te apetece la idea? Contacta con nosotros escribiendo al user arriba indicado. Gracias

** Your spontaneous response would be...
a) ¿Qué? Don’t get it. b) Oh! c) I once met a French man on LoQUo who...

9) TICKLE YOUR FANCY???
Fecha: Martes, 29 de enero de 2008 14:09

Hello! Are there any pretty girls out there with a special weakness for being tickled?Would you like to play some fun and sexy tickling games with a really nice, good-looking guy? Safety, laughter, and discretion guaranteed. Try it, you’ll love it! Send message with contact information and picture. Expert Tickler.

** Your response...
a) I hope I never meet this guy b) I prefer the ones who say that they want sex straight away c) Sounds kinky. I’ll send him my photo

10) YO NO QUIERO...
Fecha: Martes, 29 de enero de 2008 21:56

vivir como si hoy fuese el último día, sino como si del primero se tratase.

** What do you do with this post?
a) Ignore it, but quietly you marvel about the wisdom of LoQUo’s users. b) Mark it as inappropriate just for fun. c) Forward it to a friend.

SCORING

PART 1
1. a = 1 b = 3 c = 5 | 2. a = 5 b = 3 c= 1 d = 6 | 3. a = 0 b = 3 c = 6 | 4. a = 3 b = 1 4a. a = 2 b = 0 4b. a = 1 b = 2 | 5. every “yes” gets one point. If you’ve got all six points add 2 bonus points | 6. a = 0 b = 1 c = 2

PART 2
1. a = 1 b = 2 | 2. a= 1 b = 0 c = 3 | 3. a = 3 b = 2 c = 0 | 4. a = 0 b = 1 c = 2 | 5. a = 0 b = -1 c = 0 | 6. a = 0 b =1 | 7. a = 4 b = 3 | 8. a = 0 b = 2 c = 6 | 9. 0 points for any of these answers since your personal tickle taste has got nothing to do with LoQUo. | 10. a = 1 b = 3 c = 2

Less than 30 points:: La persona más aburrida
You have no idea what the big deal is and have just realized that LoQUo isn’t Catalan for crazy. You probably have healthy relationships with plants and animals and chat with your neighbors about increased crime rates and the price of eggs at the market. 30 to 45 points :: You’re an unwilling LoQUo cog
Yes, you’re a lot like the rest of us: loving to hate LoQUo, but at least you’re having fun with it all. You’re in danger of falling off the edge, however, and becoming like some of your friends who think that ‘online’ means ‘alive’ and existence is justified by a click.
More than 45 points :: The LoQUo celebrity
Congratulations, you’re totally LoQuo. Or perhaps we should pity you. Chances are you played Dungeons and Dragons as a kid or are really into Smack Down Wrestle Mania. When you’re not playing online poker, that is. The forecast for you is dim, my friend, and you should get out and away from the computer, ¡YA!

24-HOUR LOQUO PARTY PEOPLE...

...apparently don’t exist. We tried a little experiment, inviting everyone who uses LoQUo (see introduction for our potential market size) to a party. We got four. In percentages, that’s...fuck, we can’t even do the math, it’s so small. And this with help from LoQUo’s lovely Belén, who went so far as to highlight our illegally-posted multiple ads in multiple categories. We could wax philosophic about the alienation produced by today’s Internet culture, in which people prefer to hide in their rooms and wack off, but, shit, man. Maybe we’re just not cool.